Anxiety is a feeling of fear or apprehension about what's to come — according to Wikipedia. But are these feelings and emotions too simple and sophisticated to be fit in a single line?
To be honest, I didn't expect Google to be this good at explaining something like anxiety. Give emphasis to “about what's to come” here. Often it's both, “what's to come” & “what has happened”. Anxiety is living in your head about either the past or future. We are not monks or “enlightened” beings, we cannot be in the present moment, every single moment. Quite ironic, but it's true. Even while reading this, you must be either worrying about the past or dreaming about the future. Meditation and mindfulness certainly make you aware enough. But the act of modernism gets you.
I mean, it is also very important for your day-to-day functioning to live in the past and future. You have to assess your past and make goals for your future. Only then, you'll be able to function at your best, in present. But at the end of the day, we are animals. We are anxious. Some more, some less.
As humans, we are coded to look for another problem when one is solved. If everything that is worrying you today will disappear. You will find something to worry about the next moment. Neurologically, it's a threat & defense mechanism. But with the rise of 'busy' life and stress, nobody informed anyone that it’s going to cause deaths.
It is one thing to say don't worry if the shit is not in your control. And it's another thing to actually practice it. Initially in your life, you were anxious after you did something which you know your parents won't like. At that time, you didn't label it. Also, that was the first encounter with anxiety. I could still feel that in my stomach. Anxiety gets reflected in your physiology very quickly. You compress physically, fold your hands, neck down, lying down touching your chin on your knees, and feeling the smallest in the world. Everyone has been there at some moment in their life.
Being anxious is the only constant for me. So much so that I found peace with it. Now, whether it is a good conclusion to be at, is up to time. Experience and experimentation will unfold that mystery for me. I have found myself, creating my personal philosophies to deal with anxiety. If I know something is going to end very soon, I say to myself "All good things must come to an end". If I find myself procrastinating on something which needs to be done, I tell myself "Show must go on" and get going. Of course, this rarely happens directly. You can't think clearly in some situations. But it happens, through repetition & practice, you'll believe in them. I don't know still how effective they are in dealing with it. Maybe I will know in the future. But it surely works as like you have someone in your head who is telling you to calm down and drink water.
Mostly, only friends and family have helped me. Rarely directly, but mostly indirectly. Lately, I have figure out the reason behind that also. I am bad at confronting. I can't. It's super hard for me to ask for your help with a problem. I know you are emotionally available for me, but I would rather suffer on my own than have the courage to come to you. And if I am sharing something with you, emotionally. Then GOD you must be so important to me. Also sometimes people are the reason behind the anxiety. Till now, I've found nothing is helpful for it, except time. Oftentimes people just don't understand how much words of someone very close, can affect you and how deeply. Another person won't even have the courage to ask, why did you said so or did you even actually meant it.
In discussions around mental health, we don't talk about courage enough. Everyone wants to help someone who's suffering from any kind of issue. But telling that to anyone, it's an act of courage. If someone is genuinely going through something like this, it becomes even harder for them to go and tell it to someone. Just like any other health problem, you have to talk to someone to get it resolved and come to a solution. We, as a society, lack the ability to confront. Just like I mentioned above being bad at confronting. I have seen all around me people who would rather suffer on their own than discuss it with their friends or family. And now everything is at your fingertips. People nowadays would not turn to people in hard times. But they turn to social media, their devices, & the internet as a coping mechanism. Which never leads to the solution to their problem, only ignorance.
Sometimes, even someone who deeply cares about you, won't be able to understand. But you have to gain enough courage to discuss it. Your friends and family are always there to help. At least someone is. Make friends who will be there for you anytime and become that friend for them too. For a good friend, you can literally create a mental hell, if they know their friend is suffering and they can't help them. They have to be there to help you, otherwise, they won't be able to sleep. From personal experience, even they start suffering from the guilt of not being able to help. Don't let them suffer, go ahead and discuss. Sadness vanishes & happiness is multiplied by sharing. But for professional, work-related anxiety everything needs to be done by you, at least most of the time.
For starters, you have to do actually what interests you. You surely don't want to get the burden of loans, peer pressure, and family in your work. You gotta enjoy it, to not worry about it. Do whatever that genuinely excites you. Now, let me break everything that I said earlier: anxiety will still be there. No matter what you do, there will be some things in your work that you will hate. There are going to be unexpected things every day that you hate. That's for sure. But we don't want boredom and fear of missing out on top of this. That's why first work on only and only the thing which interests you. Now, after some time in your work, you will realize that it's okay. Worrying about the problem is not going to get it solved by itself. You surely have people working with you to make shit happen. Rely on them too. Trust yourself to get through this. Some stress is necessary for your functioning to get work done. That's good stress. There is nothing wrong with conventional and unconventional careers. But as we both know, looking forward to "enjoy life" on weekends is not a good way to spend a tiny fraction of your time on this planet. Don't you think? If you are on the unconventional path. There is extra non-invited resistance and friction. And that friction could cause a lot of problems mentally. Doesn’t matter how brave, 'manly', strong you are, something or the other sometimes gets to you. Read the paragraph again.
The human mind is coded to create stress to solve problems. That is necessary. Desire is also an innate trait. The notion of being happy after getting something new never ends. That constant chasing could never stop. Now you know that achieving anything won't give you ultimate lifelong happiness. Now there are two paths to go from here :
You will start playing professional games that have a greater impact according to you. Your purpose, your “calling”, or whatever you label it as will become the meaning of your life. Maybe or maybe not you will care about materialistic rewards. But you will play the games which, according to you, have the potential to change the world. And give everything you got, to that purpose. You necessarily will find happiness or not. But won't have time or bandwidth to be anxious.
You will build your surrounding and environment to generally be happy in present. This could also be achieved by 1. But there is no calling or greater-than-self purpose. You want to be content — with whatever you have at present. You want to give and take happiness to people. Nurturing relationships becomes paramount in your life and taking responsibility for everyone around you. You don't care about global warming if your girlfriend, you, and everyone you care about are healthy and happy.
Now, there are so much more nuances, intersections, and exceptions to these two points. But I hope you get the overall point of choosing between purpose and peace. Of course, you can find balance too. Actually, almost all anxieties arise when we avoid balance in life. But sometimes things are not in our control to create that balance.
Coming back to mental health. Of course, I am not a professional. I am not qualified to talk about mental health in any way. But I don't think you have to be qualified to talk about feelings and emotions. I believe it's quite evident nowadays that we have to start discourse and open discussion around mental health. Also, we are not someone who only talks about problems, we have to discuss solutions too. If you are someone who thinks, is severely depressed or maybe would be clinically depressed. OR even if you know someone. Seek professional help. Nobody can't stress this enough. That is actually the only long-term solution for this problem. Most times when you are young, your peers are not smart enough to understand what is happening with you. And your parents won't understand, maybe. But try to explain. If they don't understand, reach out to mental health helpline numbers, doctors around you. Somewhere, somebody is always there to help you.
If you do not have severe but it affects your day-to-day life in some way or other. I have followed this and have seen many people suggesting this. (Disclaimer: this is not clinical advice for depression or anxiety)
Build & nurture meaningful relationships. [MOST IMPORTANT]
Eat well. Work out or do any physical activity. As much as possible. Make these non-negotiables.
Write, journal, or do any mindful activity. Meditation and writing help you gain clarity. This helps you understand the situation from observing and could be helpful to even find a solution by being aware of your emotions. Even music, for that matter, if you prefer that.
WORK. Yes. Find something you are genuinely, genuinely interested in, and forget about the world. Master that art. Master that skill. Be in the top 10-20% in it. Then you will have enough self-confidence to deal with most professional problems. If not, just do something in which you have a teeny tiny interest. Any hobby or old forgotten art you used to do.
Just remember :
It is completely okay to have a bad day, two bad days in a row, or even a week. Fuck that positivity on Instagram. Your feelings are not that that simple to be contained in the two lines aesthetically pleasing quote. Once you've made peace that it every feeling comes and goes. You are calm and self-aware enough that you know you got this. AND TRUST ME — YOU GOT THIS, MY BOIS AND GALS.
Aahhhh so good! Keep it up